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“The day she let go of the things that were weighing her down, was the day she began to shine the brightest.”
10 Ways to Calm Down During Stressful Times
I’ve found myself in some pretty high stress situations in my time. The two that come to mind both happened when I was traveling internationally - I found myself in a taxi in China with not enough money to cover the fare. I thought I was for sure going to jail but I managed to communicate back and forth enough to get myself to an ATM.
The other time was when I was not allowed on a plane in Amsterdam for having a bullet casing as a souvenir...yes, I know - it was a whole ordeal and I had to talk to the police and in that situation too, I thought I was going to jail.
To get the full story on both of these high-stress events, plus a few more, check out episode 4 on the podcast, all about the 10 Travel Lessons I Learned the Hard Way.
We all experience stress and overwhelm at times in our life, but over the years, I’ve learned how to better cope with the day to day stresses of the world.
Needless to say, it feels like the world has been experiencing higher stress levels than in the past. It feels like so many people are on edge. Now more than ever, we need a set of tools and practices that we can reference and use to calm down when stressful times arise.
I have some very close friends and family that are very concerned and worried about their safety and their future. They’re struggling with fears of uncertainty. They’re worried about their health and their jobs. And all of these unhelpful thoughts are wreaking havoc on our quality of life and overall well-being.
So today, I want to share with you how I calm down during stressful times. I hope that you can take at least one thing away and put that new tool in your toolkit so that you feel better prepared and equipped to handle uncertainties and stressful times in life.
Before we jump in, I need to preface this by saying that what I’m about to share with you won’t make the stress and anxiety magically disappear into thin air. We can’t control what happens in the world outside of us. But we can influence how we react to our environment and cope with external circumstances. So today, we will discuss how to manage and calm yourself down during stressful times - not how to make stress or anxiety magically disappear.
Practice self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the realization of oneself as an individual entity or personality. I like to think of self-awareness as almost like a ghost or a goddess floating outside of my body that can look into my life with a different set of eyes and a different perspective. When you can separate yourself from the crazy thoughts that run through your head, you can keep a more controlled perspective on our situation. It feels much different to watch yourself “jump into the trenches” so to speak versus actually jumping into the trenches with your thoughts.
When I picture myself as a goddess floating outside of my body and looking at my life, it creates a new perspective of objectivity. Objectivity is the key here. When we can be more objective, we can think more logically and release ourselves from the overflowing set of unhelpful emotions like anxiety, stress, and depression.
Self-awareness is the ability to reflect on yourself and assess your thoughts, emotions, and actions. These three aspects of your life may be in alignment or out of alignment. When we’re diving headfirst into our fears and anxieties, we become out of alignment.
With self-awareness comes the ability to manage your emotions and align your actions with your values.
2. Let yourself feel all the feels.
The next thing that I encourage you to do is feel all the feels. Allow yourself to feel the emotion as it bubbles up inside you. Fighting it will only make the emotion greater and more unwieldy. But as I’ve discussed in previous podcasts, there’s release in the acceptance. And when we accept, we can more easily move on.
But let’s talk about this one more in depth for a second. Why do we try to fight our emotions? Why do we try to shut them off entirely? Why do we stuff them in a box or try to ignore them? Because it’s uncomfortable. And we don’t like feeling uncomfortable. In fact, I don’t know a single person who likes the feeling of discomfort. But then why are some people still successful? Because those who practice self-awareness know that there’s growth that can come out of the discomfort if they allow themselves to sit with those feelings.
When we try to fight our feelings, we end up acting out of alignment with ourselves. We usually make poorer decisions for health and well-being - we usually end up doing things that make us feel better in the short-term, but then we come to regret. Things like overeating, over drinking, over-shopping, oversleeping. But doing all of those things that are really just distractions make the root emotion more intense and even harder to ignore.
So here’s what I practice. When I feel a bout of depression bubbling up inside me, I acknowledge it. I’m like, “Oh hey depression...back again? Looks like we’re doing this together today.” By doing this, I take my power back. I acknowledge that I’m likely going to have an uncomfortable day - that I may not feel 100% like myself. But there’s freedom in that because by allowing the depression to come to my party and sit at my table, I’m able to keep moving forward with my day. I may not feel amazing, but I’m not going to let that emotion ruin my day or derail me from doing what I want or need to get done for that day.
As we sit with the feeling and acknowledge it without fighting, we will find that the emotion will pass more quickly. We can release that tension that it’s causing because we can realize that it’s all really just part of being a human.
3. No judgment allowed.
The next thing that I want you to practice is not judging yourself when these feelings come up. And this is one that I used to struggle with a lot during my raging perfectionist years. As a perfectionist, I would fight the oncoming feeling of stress and anxiety because I wanted to be perfect and perfect people don’t struggle with their emotions. So I would think things like, “I shouldn’t be depressed, I have so much to be thankful for.” “I can’t be anxious; I’m better than that.”
But that only made the feeling greater. And it only made me judge myself harder. Making yourself feel bad for feeling a human emotion doesn’t help you at all. It doesn’t help you grow. It doesn’t help you understand. It doesn’t help you release the emotion.
So don’t think judgmental thoughts when you feel the anxiety or stress arise. In fact, don’t think judgmental thoughts about yourself ever. One of the things that I preach in the Jet Set Society is full acceptance and love of ourselves. There’s no place for judgment here.
4. Appreciate the uncertainty.
Appreciate the beauty in uncertainty. And yes, this one takes practice - it’s one of those ‘easier said than done’ ones. I know, I can hear you saying, “Yeah, sure Brittany. I’ll get right on that.”
There’s beauty in the contrast and the balance between certainty and uncertainty. Too much certainty and we’d all be bored. Too much uncertainty and we’re anxious. So take the time to realize that we need both certainty and uncertainty. We don’t truly want complete certainty in our entire life because we’d get bored.
Without rain, we’d never appreciate the sun. Without lows, we’d never appreciate the highs. Without stress, we’d never appreciate the calm.
So try to shift your mindset around the stressful situation and consider the bigger picture. Does this really have to be viewed as something negative, or could you view this as an opportunity for growth?
Or if that still feels like too much, could you at least acknowledge the situation as a part of life? You’re just experiencing a natural cycle of life in this moment. And through this experience, you will come to better appreciate the flipside. Consider how much more alive and grateful you’ll feel when you begin entering more peaceful times once again.
I for one have realized that I had taken travel for granted prior to the pandemic lockdown. Now that travel is restricted, I miss travel and experiencing new cultures and new sights that much more. So I know that, when travel comes back again, even if it’s years from now, I’ll see it in a completely new light and be that much more grateful for the experience. Then I try to focus on those thoughts of how fun and exciting it will be when that day finally arrives.
Life doesn’t guarantee you much, but it does guarantee that there will be plenty of uncertainties. So try to appreciate and embrace the uncertainty rather than try to run away and hide from it.
5. Ask yourself better questions.
I love this one because for me, asking better questions really helps me find the calm that I’m looking for when I need it most.
When we start feeling stressed and overwhelmed, a lot of time, it’s because of the tornado of questions that start building up in our heads. What if I don’t succeed? What if I’m always a failure? What if I get sick? What if I get my family sick? What if I lose my job? What if I lose all my money?
These are poor quality questions to ask yourself. Why? Because your brain will find every possible negative outcome to try and answer it with. You’ve designed this subconscious question to be one that will produce a negative answer. It’s really like you’re setting yourself up. If you ask yourself really scary what-if questions, your brain will serve you up some really scary answers.
It’s amazing how changing a single word in a question can make all the difference. Instead of saying, “Why is this happening to me?” ask “Why is this happening for me?”
Start changing the questions that you hear in your head to more positive ones that motivate and inspire you instead of scare you. Ask yourself, “How can this experience help me grow? What can I learn from this experience? How can I take care of my well-being today? What do I have the power to do in this moment to improve my current state?”
I could’ve looked at the current situation in travel and thought, “It’s so unfair that I had to cancel my trip to Prague. Why did this happen to me?” Instead, I chose to ask myself, “How can I spend my newfound time because I’m not traveling?” And the answer I came up with was, “I can work on all the house projects that I’ve been pushing out because I wasn’t home long enough.” And that thought really excited me.
I want to look back on this time and know that I consciously used it for something that I’ve always wanted to do as opposed to looking back on this time and thinking how much time I wasted worrying and stressing and fearing the unknown.
So start reflecting on the questions you ask yourself and determine if they are helping or hurting. If they’re hurting, re-frame the question so that you can come up with an answer that is more useful to you.
If you’re interested in learning more about this, check out my FREE training (which includes a workbook and audio recording) on how to upgrade your economy class thinking to first class. Learn more about high-quality questions and how it can change your entire perspective on life!
6. Try meditating.
I’m not a guru at meditating, but I have tried it, and I’ve found it to be a powerful tool for calming down. Personally, I really enjoy using the Headspace app for meditating. Since I’m a beginner at meditating, I like having some guidance from the mobile app. The app offers some paid services but there are also lots of free resources too, which is what I’m currently exploring at the moment.
There’s also a whole world of meditation to learn about. In the more traditional sense, I think of meditating as sitting in a quiet comfortable spot, then relaxing the body, closing my eyes, and trying to clear my mind of racing thoughts.
But when I was in Bangkok, my tour guide Tess, taught me that meditation can come in multiple forms. Tess was a devout practicing Buddhist. On our first stop of the day, we visited the flower market (which is a must-see in Bangkok, by the way). She purchased lotus flowers to bring to the temple as an offering on our next stop.
I assumed that we would just go into the temple and place the flowers down somewhere, but it wasn’t such a rushed ritual. Before presenting the lotus flowers in the temple, we sat outside on the temple steps. Tess showed me how to shape the individual petals one by one to create a more open flower. She explained that this act of opening the lotus flower’s petals is a form of meditation in itself. Not only was this a really special moment for me to learn about Thai culture and Buddhism more, but it was also in this moment that I learned that meditation could come in many forms.
Meditation is meant to quiet the mind and to bring your thoughts and yourself into the present. It’s not about stopping your thoughts; rather it’s about being aware of your thoughts as they pass through your brain.
I now realize that there are many ways we can accomplish this. So, now I try to view multiple habits in my day as opportunities for practicing mindfulness and expressing gratitude. Those activities could include things like gardening, doing a morning or evening routine, walking around the block, watering my indoor plants, stretching, painting, doing crafts, or doing some yoga poses.
So give meditation a try to help you calm down during stressful times - there are so many more ways to try this than just the traditional method!
7. Breathe.
It’s amazing how we can often forget to breathe when we get anxious and stressed. Our bodies and our breathing tense up in reflection of the tension we’re experiencing in our minds. So be aware of your breath and notice how slow, deep breaths can be an instant release of tension.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to breathe in for four seconds and out for eight.
Try to also do this with good posture. When you elongate your spine and sit up straight, your rib cage can more easily expand. When you breathe in deeply through your nose, feel your rib cage expand, then use your stomach muscles to push that breath out through your mouth.
This is often practiced in yoga exercises, and it’s a relaxation technique that works wonders on an anxious mind.
This one seems simple enough - and it is, but oftentimes, we go on about our day without giving much thought or intention to our bodies and our breath.
8. Get moving outside.
Assuming that it’s not a super freezing or super sweltering hot day, get moving outside. It doesn’t have to be a strenuous level of activity. Just walk around the block and take in the outdoor air. When we move our bodies, it brings focus to our present and it helps us to get out of our head space. I love when I have the time to do a full one hour walk around the neighborhood and nearby park.
I use this time to catch up on podcasts, an audio book, music, or even just silence. I always feel like my mind and spirit is more calm after I’ve exerted some energy and given myself the time and space for clarity.
9. Concentrate on the certainties.
Stress and anxiety are usually created by our thoughts around the fear of the unknown. So when you feel these overwhelm wheels start to turn and you start spiraling into a negative what-if tornado, try to stop yourself and instead focus on what you know is certain. Much of what is uncertain is out of our control. I can’t control if I lose my job. I can’t control if I get sick.
Instead, concentrate on what you can control - I can control my productivity at work. I can network and create business relationships. I can wash my hands and wear a mask. I can social distance. Those are things that I have a direct influence on and power over, so that’s what I choose to concentrate on. Shift your focus away from what you have no power over. If you can’t control it, release it. Trust that it’s in God’s hands or the Universe’s hands.
10. Take care of yourself.
Self-care is definitely a hot topic these days. What comes to mind when you think of self-care? The beauty of this term is that it can look very different from woman to woman. And that’s perfectly alright. Self-care means taking enough time out of your schedule to allow yourself to de-stress and recharge.
For some, that’s reading a book. For others, it’s a spa day. Self-care comes in many forms - exercise, life coaching and therapy investments, organic foods, a glass of wine, some extra sleep.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to recharge? What can I invest in (either in time or money) to reach and maintain my healthiest self in terms of body, mind, and spirit?”
You know yourself best, so make sure that you really evaluate what’s important to you in terms of your physical and mental health and well-being.
At this time in many people’s lives, they are looking to cut back financially or maybe they’re even being forced to cut back. People are trying to evaluate the return on their investments. People’s priorities are shifting.
But in this season, in times of high stress, I would argue that self-care is one of the best investments you can make right now. Because we can’t really appreciate anything in our life if our mental and physical health is not intact.
I see many women putting their own lives on the back-burner in order to care for others. They completely neglect themselves in the name of their family, their work, their kids, their spouse, you name it. And I get it - women are naturally inclined to be caregivers. But mustn’t let your caring for others come at the expense of your own well-being.
I always look at self-care in this way - you know when you’re on a plane and they always instruct you to put your mask on before helping others in the event of an emergency? That’s because if you're not your optimal self, you will be less effective at helping others. If your health and safety is not ensured, you can’t take care of others properly.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Nor does it mean that you have to stop caring about everyone you hold dear. It just means that in order for you to be your best self for others, you need to prioritize your well-being first.
So that’s 10 of the ways that I calm down during stressful times. There are so many more ways to calm down, so I’d love to hear what else you would add to this list. What do you do to calm down? What works for you? What doesn’t? I’d love to know! Comment on this post or screenshot this episode and let me know on social media. My instagram is @thejetsetblonde.
I’ll leave you with this - you’re not alone. We are all experiencing this crazy, weird, and confusing time together. So try to focus on the positive. Try to focus on what’s going well in your life right now. What can you be thankful for in this moment? How can you support yourself in these times? How can you support others? We’ll get through this together. Focus on positivity and let that energy flow through you and ripple out into the world. Because we need it now more than ever.
Stay zen friends,
author bio
Known as The Jet Set Blonde, Brittany Ryan inspires others to add more adventure to their childfree travel experiences. Brittany has visited 23 countries (and counting!) Connect with her to get access to detailed childfree travel itineraries, travel guides for weekend getaways, and updates on adult-only hotels, resorts, cruises, and other travel amenities.
